No greater satisfaction
by WD's KiT-TaY
Summary: Ben has been caught up in a lot of work lately, papers on his desk stacked so high that it was starting to build a wall between him and his 14 year old daughter, Alex who was getting into more trouble than he was.


**I'm sorry, Annie, but you're not in this fic hahahahahahaha- I mean awww :( It's not funny either. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if you disliked it but I had to write this before I forgot about it. **

**And by the way, WD called in and complained to me in a tribal interpretive dance that you haven't been blending him into your story. He also said he wouldn't review and would steal your kit-tay if you didn't. I know, I told him you didn't have a kitty but he'd already scrambled up a tree and made a mating call in my backyard. And that's when I started to see Danielle outside my window again. Then he had to go home and screamed 'werfugarwee! kit-tay call taxski?' **

**But I digress…**

**--**

_**A few days earlier… **_

Alex stumbled upon home hours after curfew that were coming on closer to the middle of the night. She stopped under the outside light that burned brightly, waiting for her arrival and she made one final attempt to wipe the smudged eyeliner from her face. From her schoolbag, she brought out a tissue and it covered her whole face to cleanse the impurities away. She had with her a small mirror and a bottle of light foundation that she swatted all over her body before patting down her untamed curls and buttoning up her uniform.

Behind her, she heard footsteps, she heard rustles, she heard creeps and cracks and she heard creatures that had never before seen the face of man or light of day. She pressed herself against the door, no yet ready to venture inside but still clinging on to the little assurance she had to feel safe. Tears began to drip from her dark eyes again and she traced the numbers imprinted for their address. 23. The obvious choice.

Many nerve-wracking minutes later, she opened the door ever so gently and slipped inside her house. She knew it wouldn't be any better than back out there. She'd already learnt to give up her hopes rather than be bombarded with disappointment. Feeling her way along the walls was the only way she could ever get inside and it was much more sickening than the outside.

Home was a place where squeezing your eyes tightly shut was more illuminating than having them wide open. A place where your breath became frost and your blood ran cold. A place where you were never alone apart from being trapped inside yourself, no one can hear you cry. So hostile that whatever dark wonder you had ever imagined will be created in that very same house. This _is _home, she mentally sighed.

She heard typing and fixed mumbling behind the end door and she opened it wide with no surprise written into her expression. Her father sat behind an old wooden desk, dead focused on his work and his large eyes twitching back and forth between his hands and the screen. She could tell his eyes had been stinging like insomnia for a while now. "Hello, Alex," he said, not even looking up from his work. He didn't even notice it was now past 10pm.

"Hi, dad," she said hoarsely after a saddened pause. She walked over to the royal fireplace at the side and warmed up her freezing hands.

"How was your day at school?" he asked inattentively.

"It was alright."

"Just alright?" Alex looked over her shoulder and found he had stopped typing and was staring straight at her. "I pay a lot of expenses to get you into an intellectual high-class school, Alex. I should think you can do a little better than alright." Alex sighed and feigned frustration.

"_Okay, _it was a _fantastic _day at school, _best day of my life! _Is that a little bit better, _dad_?" Ben continued to stare at her. He had the calm exterior with a stern glaze that only made Alex's blood boil even more when he wasn't even trying.

"Alex. It's late, I'm tired and I still haven't even got through half the work I was meant to have finished. So if you could please attend your own dramatic selfish teenager needs tonight and don't bother me anymore, then I would be very grateful." Alex scoffed lightly in disbelief and took no hesitation in walking out the door and slamming it behind her. The sudden swoop of anger that kicked into her system wasn't in the slightest bit relieving from the pain she felt. She stormed into her room and lay awake all night into the early hours, reliving the ever-recurring nightmare over and over that would forever be known as that night.

_**Present day… **_

Benjamin Linus had been practically glued to the seat behind his desk each day for the past week. He had no time to take an early morning walk through the small town community he was running, no time to sit beneath the palm trees, absorb the fresh air and sunshine and let the waves massage his feet. There was no effort in making a decent meal and remembering to stay hydrated. He hadn't bothered for weeks to tidy or clean the house when there was too much work to do. And even if there wasn't, there was always something else that needed his attention.

But it never crossed his mind that his daughter needed some tender, love and care. He'd always assumed if she was _his _daughter, she would be independent enough to live her own life without him. He was only always there when she needed him but not this time.

Ben glanced at the alarm clock on his desk that read 4:28. So much time had passed when he'd managed to drift off into space and imagine he could be anywhere but away from the Island that he, deep down and in denial, despised so much. All the files and papers had stacked up so high in his troubled mind that he was surprised they hadn't fallen and crushed him underneath it all yet. He was amused by the possibly that there was anymore room up there.

He rested his head down for just one minute as he felt a headache linger and then the phone rung. The noise cut through the air so sharply and Ben's head bounced back up. Hesitantly, he picked up the phone with a shaky hand and put the receiver under his ear. "_Hello?_" he asked with impatience, refusing to give his name. A rusty raddled voice he knew reasonably well replied. One he didn't expect to hear from so suddenly and his tone of voice changed immediately to fit her contentment. "Afternoon, Mrs. Knightly. A pleasure to hear from you again, how have you been?"

"Hello, Mr. Linus," the dreary voiced continued, not interested with polite conversation. "We must talk. Are you busy? I hope I'm not disturbing anything." Ben glanced down at the current files he was assorting on his desk. His lips pursed together bitterly but his eyes sparkled with kindness and he turned the other way.

"… No, of course not. Please, talk to me."

"Do you know a local 15 year old boy by the name of Dustin Kodiaks? He's been missing for 4 days now. He went to his school, Dharma High, promptly at 8:55am and he was seen by close friends of his head to the library after he was released from school, around 4:00pm. But he never returned home since."

"I never even heard of the boy. Why are you asking me this?"

"I just thought you could have shed some light on what's really going on here."

"What are you implying, Mrs. Knightly, do you seriously think I know anything about who's responsible for this boy's disappearance? You should speak with his parents. You know how teenagers can get when they're caught in that rebellious stage."

"I've been speaking with everyone in the community who had contact with Dustin that day, Mr. Linus. And it just so happens that Dustin was in your daughter's english, math and science classes last Monday before he was declared a missing person."

"I'm certain my daughter wouldn't have anything to do with this, Mrs. Knightly," Ben nerves started to itch. "She's a sensible and compassionate girl so I suggest you leave her out of it."

"Mr. Linus, could I please speak with her?"

Ben scoffed. "Be my guest. But you won't get much information out of her, I'll tell you that."

"Well, forgive me for thinking it's a little suspicious that your daughter is perfectly healthy and at hand only since the last day he was seen."

"What's suspicious?" Ben asked in a very confused tone of voice. "There's nothing suspicious about Alex, what are you talking about?"

"Don't you find it unusual your daughter has been absent for the past 4 days when Dustin went missing?"

Ben frowned and sat up straight in his chair in alarm. "What do you mean?"

"Mr. Linus…? Is something wrong?" she asked with patience.

"You must be mistaken, my daughter has attended every single day of school for the past month, she was never absent." There was a quiet astonished pause on the other end of the phone and Ben was starting to feel a bit nervous about the whole situation.

"That's not what our attendance rolls confirm, I'm sorry. I even have a fully detailed note here explaining that Alex has an infectious flu virus and it's signed in your hand, Mr. Linus… What's going on?"

Ben exhaled a long frustrated sigh and breathed it out onto the phone that made the lines queasy. Utter disappointment and rage swelled inside him and he clutched the phone in his sweaty palm tighter to his ear. _"Are you telling me Alex has been skipping school?" _he cried.

"If your daughter is not in her bed doing her best to get well right now like I thought, then I'm afraid so."

"But Alex would _never _'ditch' school, as they say. What reason does she have to do it?"

"That's why I was calling, Mr. Linus… I needed to speak with her because her absence in sync with Dustin's has aroused suspicion. And I can see it's not just all the teachers now. Does she still come home every night?"

"Yes, she does," Ben tried his best to clench his teeth together and cover up his distress. "Everyday, in her school uniform and with her school books."

"Have you talked to her recently?"

"… About what?"

"Just anything. School, perhaps."

"Mrs. Knightly, I thought you knew me well enough to know that I'm not that kind of father. I don't discuss problems with my daughter or share my thoughts and feelings with her like I should because I've just been so busy recently." His voice was starting to grow shaky and cold.

"I know. But I thought you were the kind of father that would protect Alex no matter what was happening. I hope I'm not mistaken." Ben said nothing for a while and a wary sigh broke the ice again. "Here's my advice. Talk to Alex, don't force her to do anything or she'll rebound even more. I think you'll be surprised at what happens when you stop talking to her like an associate and treat her like your daughter. I'm glad I could pull this out of the dark, Mr. Linus." Ben responded with a disheartened grunt.

"… Well, thank you for speaking with me, Mr. Linus. And remember that Dustin Kodiaks-"

"I have no idea where his whereabouts may be. But when I see him around, I'll let you know. Goodbye, Mrs. Knightly," he concluded lazily and put down the receiver. And for the first time in days, Ben was almost so tempted to throw his workloads into the bin and smash his computer out the window just in the sake of hearing out his daughter.

--

Alex glanced over her shoulder and giggled as she put a finger to her lips and shushed the man behind her. She took his warm delicate hand in hers and on the count of 3; they scurried across the wet gravel paths that shone under the superficial lighting. They were nothing but silhouettes and shadows in the velvet darkness, much like the stuff her nightmares were made of.

Her phone vibrated in her school cardigan pocket for the 10th time that night since she left Dharma High. Despite whoever it was who was calling; why would Alex answer it when she had her boyfriend hanging all over her that night? When they reached her house, Alex thanked Karl for a great night and gave him one final goodbye kiss. He smiled sheepishly and ran home before his parents would butcher him for being out so late.

After all the excitement Alex got too deep into that night, she wished it would never end. Because she knew as soon as the music stopped, as soon as the laughter had quietened down that it would take her to the back of her mind where she contained all her fears. Still humming her favourite tune, she confidently burst through the front door of home and flicked on the light.

There, at the end of the corridor where her father's study room situated itself behind the mess, the door was wide open. That was a first and Alex didn't like it. It means he had been moving and means he hadn't been _completely _dedicated to his work. She walked down the daunting corridor, her humming down to a silent murmur and she stood in the doorway, waiting for her father to notice her in his own time.

Ben knew she was there and immediately he lifted his head back to reality to meet her gaze. She stood there without a clue, without a trace of happiness on her face. "Good evening, Alex," Ben greeted casually. Alex nodded dully in return.

"Dinner's in the fridge again, is it?" Ben's eyes narrowed as he picked up on the sarcasm.

"Alex," he called and interrupted her swift turn out of the room. She returned, avoiding his eye contact and looking totally uninterested like he had always given her the impression of. He stared at the clock then back at her, "you're late home tonight, Alex. You know I don't approve of you spending late nights out alone when you haven't responded to my calls."

"I wasn't alone, dad, _that _would be foolish. I thought you expected better of me," she replied slyly and Ben's hands started to curl into fists.

"Where've you been and don't lie to me."

"Just out with some friends, nothing to worry about," she said coolly.

"Don't play games with me, Alex, I-"

"_I know!_" she cut him off and Ben gazed darkly on her. "You're tired, you're sick of me and you want the world to piss off and leave you alone to attend to your special neglected work. That's what I'm trying to do so don't blame this one on me."

"Now there's no need to be spiteful, Alex. You treat me with better respect than that and I will do the same, alright? I just want to know where you've been all this time." Alex walked up to his desk and grinned down on him.

"I went out after school… and had the best fucking time of my life," she spoke slowly and with amusement. "More fun than you and you're little paper files will ever have anyway. Y'know…" she crept closer and closer to his desk and Ben could tell there was something wrong with her. "Y'know… I bet you don't even do any work. You probably just sit around all day feeling sorry for yourself and writing countless love notes to Juliet."

Ben raised a hand to slap her but he stopped himself midair and Alex didn't even jerk. She bent down to his face and smiled when she saw the hurt well up in his eyes. She retreated back and sat on the edge of his desk. His puppy dog stare never left her for a second.

"I'm not naïve, Alex. Just because I don't drink, are you really that dense that you think I don't recognize the foreign substances?" Alex cringed. "I smelt the alcohol as soon as you stepped into this room," he said quietly and with regret.

"Well… I'm sorry, dad," she said, mocking resentment and sniffing.

"No, your not… you're only sorry you left your perfume and breath mints behind. I'm… _ashamed_ of you, Alex. And I'm surprised you're not." Alex's eyes changed as black as night in an instant and she jumped off his desk.

"_You're ashamed? _Oh, how so fucking thick of me! To think that it was really _me _who was ashamed of _you, Ben!_" He dug his nails into the furnished wood of his desk. Whenever they got into a huge argument, she always crossed the line when she used his name. _So much for respect, _he thought.

"I didn't know how ashamed of my daughter I could get until your principle called me today," he yelled as the anger and dislike grew stronger and Alex was momentarily stumped.

"And why would she call here?"

"I think you know why, Alex. Must I spell it out for you?"

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," she spat and tried to leave.

"You can stop pretending you're so innocent now, Alex, you're not fooling anyone. I know you've been missing school since last Monday and I know you forged my signature to have a note that would get the authorities off your back. So you can just drop the act." Alex stood in the doorway, traces of tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"I have my reasons… And I would rather put a bullet through my head that talk through a pleasant conversation about them with you."

"I want to help you, Alex, but I can't do much if you're going to shut me out."

"… I… don't _need you're FUCKING HELP!" _she screamed and threw her backpack into the wall, trying so hard to relieve the fury that was now spreading all through her intoxicated and stoned mind. Ben's face twisted into a sickening rage of its own.

"You know what? FINE! _I'm sick of fighting with you, do what you like and ruin your own life! See if I care!" _Alex ran to the darkest corner of the room and pressed herself against the walls so hard they would have collapsed. Her untamed curly hair stuck to her sweaty and tear-stained face and she slowly slipped down the wall and huddled herself into a little ball. All her pain and anguish she had ever kept within herself just exploded.

Ben ignored her and began typing furiously away at his laptop. He wasn't even writing anything, he was pretending he was finishing off some report when really he wouldn't take his eyes of Alex. He felt like screaming at her to leave but now she was starting to openly cry into her hands and, either she was a damn good drama queen or she really was upset. But Ben only saw Alex when she was cold and bitter, not scared and vulnerable since she was a little girl a long time ago. It was unfamiliar to him and finally he couldn't take it anymore.

"Alex," he said sternly but she wouldn't stop. He rolled his eyes and went back to his work. "Alex, please, you'll give me a migraine. And I really don't need one of those right now-" she wouldn't stop crying. If anything, her tears increased and she was beginning to squirm in her spot and back into the corner like she was trapped. It was odd behaviour but soon Ben found it hard to ignore.

"Alex?" he said again. "Alex…? Was it something I said?" He was a fool when it came to comfort. All he was useful for was bringing bad news. "_Alex?"_ he sighed irritatingly and got up from his chair. As he approached her, she flipped herself around so her back was to him. "Alex, don't push me away. Talk to me."

"Piss off," she mumbled through her tears as Ben got down on her level.

"What?" he asked gently and put a hand on her shoulder but she escaped his touch. Ben's resentment had slowed its fast thrilling pace in his system and he was getting softer and softer when he saw his daughter in pain. He only wanted to protect her from the harsh and unforgiving agony. "Alex… what's wrong? Why are you crying?" his voice was kind and tender. Alex had never heard it in a way like that before. It made her feel safe though she would never admit it. "Please, Alex."

Suddenly her bawling stopped and she was only quietly sobbing. Ben turned her towards him and brushed his hand through her raven black curls. The empathy that shone from his eyes were real enough for her to trust him when Alex glanced up from her arms. He smiled a little since she was coming around. "I just want to talk… can we do that without going at each other's throats for one conversation?"

"If you're ashamed of me now," she whispered. "… I can't imagine what you'll think of me when I tell you."

"Tell me what?" he asked and she shook her head lightly. "I won't think any less of you. I'll always love you no matter what, Alex."

"You say that now…"

"You know I mean it. Would I lie to you?"

"I wish I could believe that. I'm so sorry."

"Everything we said back there… I think it would be best if we put that all behind us, don't you agree? Please tell me… tell me something I don't know. You may not want my help but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't need it. I'm your father… I should be there for you." Alex wiped a few more tears from her face and relaxed her position, allowing herself to see some light again.

"Do you know a boy called Dustin Kodiaks?" Ben gulped but didn't judge.

"His name gets around."

Alex took in a deep breath. "I know where he is." Ben's eyes widened in bemusement and he properly sat himself down in front of his daughter. He figured they wouldn't be moving for a while. Work can wait. "… He's dead." Ben's expression didn't change and he nodded gently, placing a warm hand on her freezing one.

"How did he die?"

"… I killed him," she whispered tearfully and fell into hysterics again. Ben said nothing as he watched her cry. He himself was a mastermind, responsible for the deaths of quite a number of people yet he didn't even shed a tear. Alex had a caring heart for everyone; Ben only had a caring heart for Alex.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked after a long dead pause.

"Because he raped me." Ben frowned down on her and that's when emotion starting kicking in. No one would hurt Alex without Ben getting ultimate revenge in the end. Like father, like daughter and Alex took out her own trash this time. "On Monday after school… him and a few mates took me to the East end of the Island. When it was just him and me… I told him I had Karl but he… and he beat me and-" Ben stopped her and lifted up her face for him to see. He wiped away the make-up and he saw the bruises and cuts. Behind her thick bundles of hair lay handprints on her neck. He was hurting inside because he couldn't even notice that.

"And when he told me to run home before he'd kill me… that's when I did it… I picked up the knife he used to threaten me and… he was choking on his own blood and it felt… _so good. _So right to see him suffer," a smile curled onto her lips and Ben did nothing but watch.

She looked up again into his bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry if you think I'm a bad person for this, dad. But there was no greater satisfaction than to see him fall to his death." Ben wrapped his arms around her cautiously and invited her to the first loving hug they'd had in years. There was nothing anything like it for either of them. For once in their life, they felt safe. They'd found each other again and found the connection between them and all their differences.

"I'll never tell a soul," Ben whispered inaudibly behind her soft cries and kissed her cheek. "He deserved every bit of it."

--

**WOW that was long… a bit cheesy towards the end, sappy too but… they all are, aren't they?**

**Jesus… I don't even know what kind of work he does. DOES HE WORK?? Hehehehe whatever. I don't even think there was a school 'cos there was only ever Alex and Karl. Meh. What next?**


End file.
